Sometimes I feel like the slumdog millionaire. As if everything that happens in my life, or everything I encounter is somehow all connected and is helping me, guiding me, to my destiny, and ultimate self (freedom). In that perspective and aspect, we're all slumdog millionaire stories waiting to be discovered, experienced, and realized.

I think what I do is refused to feel anything, but in this state I actually feel, I feel myself breathing. My mind though, however, is not in peace, it is stiff, and unmoving, it is unlike water, and much like rock. Atleast a jello state would be much better. It is as if my mind is split in half, the back half portion, I resist, and refuse to let flow, the front half portion is free, and out of control.

I'm lacking in balance that's for sure. When balance is attempted, attempted being the key word, weird pain sensations take over, and it freaks me out that there is something wrong. Like I'm taking in my environment too much, and others are unable to relax, or end up experiencing my state. Its as if I make myself uncomfortable, but don't have the mind to realize it, there for my behavior is lost to myself, like I refuse to see it, and it is seen as pity from others perhaps. Perhaps if I simply stop refusing and try to feel how this state feels, it wouldn't be so bad. Things would actually make sense.