I can't even hug the guy for the life of me. I can't see him, like really see him, I see him, but I see the him he wants me to see, I see his brain, I see his life. I see his innocence. It is so apparent, but maybe its not innocence at all, it is strength. Oh Julien, i just want to spend time with you, but is it fair that I don't want anything at all, just your closeness, you love, your affection, nothing more. I'm not ready for commitment. I love you in all your forms, even the forms that admits your arrogance about sexing ex's. As bad as that sounds, when you say it, its just honest and i like that more than anything. The fact that I would have to live in the background for all of my life being with you bothers me. I can't stand to live in someone else's shadow.